The Choices of Others
by OccaisionalPen
Summary: SG-1 doesn't make all of the choices. Set in the very early seasons.


Title: **The Choices of Others**

The battle raged beneath me, four against many. Tau'ri, yes; certainly, now, except for the warrior. Three fight like a skilled team; the leader, the small one, and the warrior. The fourth has fire in his heart, but perhaps not the skills in his hands.

They only wish to return home through the stone gate, as do I.

They are far outnumbered. I do not want to interfere; in fact, I must not interfere. But…but. It has been eons since the universe was that simple.

Covenants are meant to be broken, sometimes, in the proper time and place. The choice is mine, and mine alone.

I quickly declare that this is the time, and the place, and hope that these are the ones spoken of long ago and that my search is finally over.

I materialize a weapon and lay down distracting fire. It is a primitive approach, but one that the four understand. They do not question their "luck" (a strange concept) but instead press the attack vigorously. The small one – a female, I now see - makes an unsuccessful attempt to reach the controls, and I detect more attackers approaching behind her.

I can not cover all of the fronts and neither can they. Unless….unless…. NO, I think, I must not do what comes to my mind, however convenient it may be.

But there is no other option; if these are the ones of the prophecy, they must not die. I summon my energy and a ship appears, well behind the main force. The enemy behind the gate stare in awe and the main force turns. As one they abandon the Tau'ri and charge, hoping in vain that the technology they see will bring far greater rewards than a corpse or two.

I slip, unnoticed of course, nearer the gate as the peaceful one scrambles for the controls. The leader and the warrior continue their vigilance as the stone gate activates. The peaceful one and the female approach it cautiously.

Their caution is wise. I notice two small groups of attackers, hidden in the brush, moving forward to trap the four in a matrix of deadly fire.

The Tau'ri must not die! I allow myself to be seen (a primitive form, theirs, but necessary), and run forward, firing and cursing the ineffective weapon I am forced to use.

"Go!" I choke on the word, trying to recall their strange and difficult language, "go!"

The leader again opens fire and yells at the same time. "Teal'c! Get them through!"

My mind registers the warrior diving through the Gate with two of the Tau'ri just as I sense a blast that will kill the leader. I leap between him, and it. My life is nothing, if these are the ones.

It has been a long time since I realized the white hot haze of pain, or the crumbling of a useless body to the ground. I feel the leader move toward me, still firing over me, and I gasp again, "Go! Go!"

He grabs me abruptly and drags me roughly through the Gate, saying only, "I don't know who the hell you are, but no one gets left behind!"

* * *

"Close the Iris! CLOSE THE IRIS!" The female's words barely penetrate the noises assaulting my senses. Too many words, too many people, too much sound, too much thought; I awkwardly curl into a defensive ball.

The words wash around me, both spoken and unspoken.

Medic! Here! - Colonel O'Neill, who is this? - I don't know, but he saved our hides. -What have we got? - Colonel, move out of the way! - Get me a gurney over here, stat! – Stand down, and kill that alarm! - Teal'c, keep an eye on him, will you? – SG1, debrief in an hour - Infirmary, now -

Things blurred and then I was in a new place. Quiet. Only a few people; the four from the battle, and a healer, and a few others. Helpers. Guards.

"Get me an irrigation kit and some morphine, please," the healer asks.

"No," I whisper, and the healer notices.

"The medication will make you more comfortable."

"No," I say, more confidently now. "No."

"Your arm is badly injured, and I've got to treat it. I can't do that unless the pain is controlled."

I do not understand all of the words, but I understand her meaning. "No," I state again. "No...medication."

"But…"

"Doc," the leader speaks up in a light hearted tone, "he said no. Just say no to drugs, remember?"

"Colonel O'Neill," the healer begins to argue, "I don't think that's wise."

I search my memory while they squabble. Ahah! The words form. "No…drugs. Sleep. I will sleep. But no drugs." I close my eyes and relax and the last thing I hear is the peaceful one.

"Janet? Jack? I think he's solved the problem…..it looks like self-hypnosis or something…."

* * *

I awaken three days later, as is the custom. My arm feels good; certainly stiff, but well mended. The room around me is spartan, primitive, and calm.

"Well, I see you're finally awake," the healer comments. "You scared me there for a bit. How are you feeling?"

I smile and flex my arm.

"Better, is it?" She frowns. "More like miraculously healed. How did you do that?"

"I….." I think for a moment, recalling their language. It caressed me while I slept, and my memories and skills are again awakening. "It is…..my way. To sleep, and mend."

"I see. Why no drugs?"

"No drugs. They….do not mend."

"They interfere with the healing?"

"Yes. Yes, interfere." I pause to think. "I like….hungry, yes? And…drink?"

She looks puzzled for a minute. "You mean, you are hungry and you would like something to eat? You are thirsty, and would like something to drink?"

"Yes, hungry, thirsty. The sleep….I…am….hungry and thirsty." Now I remember why I dislike this language. I sigh. I may dislike it, but it is now my language. Just as this form is now my form. I will learn, again, and live with it, again.

"Well, in that case….."

The four from the battle came to visit a short time later.

"Hey, hello there," the leader said. "Welcome to…wherever. And thanks for saving our hide."

"Hide?" I was baffled. Did we retreat and take cover? "We are hiding?"

"Oh, no, not another one," he groaned quietly.

The peaceful one interrupted. "He means, thank you for saving our lives. I am Daniel Jackson, this is Major Samantha Carter, and he's…."

"Colonel O'Neill. Jack." I said.

"How did you know that?" O'Neill asked sharply, glaring at me.

I hesitate another moment, still searching for words. "The healer - Dr. Frazier - called you by that name. Daniel Jackson called you Jack." I look toward the door. "And he is Teal'c. In the battle, you called him that."

"Yes, that's right." Daniel Jackson looked thoughtful. "Most people call me Daniel. And you are called….?"

I thought about this. By what name should I be called, here, now? Only one came readily to mind.

"Ke'an. I am called Ke'an."

"Well, Ke'an, we'd like to ask you a few questions."

I nod. "I will answer."

* * *

Time passed. The Tau'ri accepted me as a friend and ally, and I became accustomed to their form and language. We journeyed through their StarGate and waged battle and the Tau'ri learned.

"Ke'an, do you know how to build a more powerful Naquada reactor?" Major Carter asked me one day.

"Yes."

"Will you show me?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I can not. I can…."

"I know, I know. You'll answer all of my questions but you won't tell me what questions to ask." She leaned back in her chair. "Could you tell me why, again?"

I understood her frustration, only too well.

"It is not my decision; it is the way things are. Peoples – uhm, cultures? - only value and wisely use things they understand. They understand things by creating them, and then by improving on them." I pause. "Colonel O'Neill calls this, 'The House Rules', like in your game of poker."

She looked dejected, and I quickly offered a small lie of encouragement. "Your questions are becoming wiser, and you have made many gains this way."

She sighed. "Right. OK, then, so what happens if…."

As I said, the Tau'ri learned.

* * *

"Ke'an, tell me about your people. Where are they from?" Daniel asked many questions like this.

"My people are from everywhere, now."

"From many planets?"

"Yes. And many times and other places as well."

Daniel looked at me with interest. "What do you mean, from other places that aren't planets? And from many times?"

I shrugged. "From many times and places." What was so difficult about that?

"But time is linear," Daniel said. "Unless….time and space fold, like the string theory."

"No, it's not like that at all."

Daniel dropped his head in his hands and groaned. "Oh, god, the Tollans again. Just don't call us primitive, ok?"

Now I was puzzled. "Primitive? The Tau'ri are primitive, aren't they? Or maybe I do not understand that word?"

And so I learned many things, too.

I often sought retreat outside, under the night sky.

"You, too, huh?" O'Neill asked me one night, as he approached the place I was sitting.

"Yes."

We sat in silence for a while.

"What do the stars remind you of, Ke'an? Home?"

I thought about that. "I have no home, as you think of it. The stars remind me of…what used to be, and sometimes of what could be. But tonight, I am reminded of how different the same thing can be."

O'Neill sighed. "Tell that one to Daniel or Carter. Too zen for me."

Zen? I ignored that and tried to explain. "Those stars - the ones you call the Milky Way?"

"Yup."

"The StarGate takes us to them. When we look at the night sky from there, we see the same stars. But they appear different. Yet we are seeing the same stars, are we not?"

I could feel O'Neill looking at me. "I'm with you. The same things just look different because we're in a different place and seeing them from a different angle. We'd call that a different vantage point. But, so what?"

"Are they truly the same things? How much of them is in what we see, and where we see them from, instead of what they actually are?" Silently I added: What if you are not the ones of the prophecy?

O'Neill broke a piece of grass and slowly started to chew on it. "Ke'an, I don't know. That sounds like what Carter said when I asked her how many astrophysists it took to change a light bulb." He stood to leave. "But I do know this. Things may ~look~ different, but they are still the same in the end game. Don't let looks fool you."

It was my turn to sigh. Sometimes, neither of us learned anything.

* * *

The covenants and the prophecy weighed more and more heavily on me as the months went by. Were these people, my friends, truly the people of the prophecy? Or was this an unfounded hope, arising from eons of fruitless searching?

 _Did it even matter?_

These unwelcome thoughts were foremost in my mind during the current mission. For this planet, although long abandoned and new to the Taur'i, was well known to me.

"Ke'an," Daniel said during our third evening, "tell us a story."

I looked at him, surprized. Evening stories around the camp's fire were common, but they were told by others. I shook my head. "I am not a good story teller, Daniel."

"You have never shared your past experiences, Ke'an. I, for one, would like to hear of them." Teal'c inclined his head with respect as he spoke.

O'Neill spoke also. "Yeah, besides, you've been preoccupied ever since we got here. Depressed, almost. Ante up. Get your mind off of whatever it is that's bothering you."

This time it was I who bowed my head, desperately trying to think of a story to tell that would please my team mates. But none came to mind; only, again, the covenants and the prophecy.

I lifted my gaze to the fire. "I am sorry, Colonel - I can not."

"Ahh….how about I make it an order, then?" O'Neill suggested. Major Carter was smiling quietly from the shadows.

My growing doubts about the covenant and prophecy returned again. But I could not tell them; it would be wrong, and a great violation of faith.

 _Did it even matter any longer? Had I inadvertently destroyed the covenants, the prophecy, by my actions?_

I did not know. I compromised between two loyalties, and began to speak, softly and slowly.

"I can not tell you a story, for I am not good at such things.

"How could I tell you about the last council that was held, here, in the hall that Daniel has been studying? Or explain that the council had met to try to protect their collective knowledge from a growing evil, a young race that had twisted that knowledge for it's own benefit?

"How can I share the resulting covenants; the first, to never again interfere with new, young races, and to let them grow or die, thrive or suffer, all on their own? The second, to disperse the original races and their knowledge to far parts of the universe, to prevent the evil from growing? And the third, not to assemble the races again until the prophecy was fulfilled?

"And then, how can I talk about that prophecy itself, which stated 'three of the least, with a fourth, venturing far beyond their means', would bring forth a great change? How could I possibly say the prophecy never revealed what that great change would be?

"How can I describe how heavy the council members' hearts were when they left their homes and families, to wander the universe, searching for those who would fulfill the prophecy? Or describe the many….so, so _many_ peoples and planets that they lived among and grew to love – or what it felt like to stand idly by and watch them die, just because of these accords?

"How can I tell a story that says there is still one council member in this dimension, the last of his kind, still wandering and searching on this…..fool's errand, as your language would call it? And how can I say that several of the original races are now gone, and that the knowledge we strove to protect is gone with them?

"Who am I to tell a story that judges the covenants to be a foolhardy mistake, or decides that they produced more suffering then they prevented? Who am I to conclude that all of our actions, our lives - my actions, my life - have been for naught?"

I sighed, my bitterness now replaced with numbness. "I am sorry. I can not tell a story like that; I do not have the words."

We sat for a bit, in a heavy silence.

"So, Ke'an," Daniel finally asked, slowly, "if that's not a story….is it true?"

He barely hesitated before continuing, his words flowing faster and faster. "Is that really a meeting hall? How was it set up? Were the Ancients there? How long ago did this happen? What were the other races…the Tollan? The Asguard? The Furlings?"

I stood up abruptly and he stopped, startled. "Daniel," I said, "do not ask."

For want of anything else to do, and knowing that I would not sleep, I turned and slowly stepped beyond the firelight. "I will take the night's watch."

There was no more talk until O'Neill moved to bank the fire.

"Daniel," he said quietly while he heaped the embers together, "let's not have Ke'an tell any more stories, OK?"

A few moments later, Daniel asked, even more softly, "Jack? Did you know that ke'an means ancient, in Celtic?"

* * *

A great awkwardness grew between us over the next days. I could not tell what pained me more: the increasing coolness of friends present, or my growing guilt about the broken trust of friends past. I clung, even more uneasily now, to the notion that these were the ones of the prophecy, that the covenant was released, that my search was over, that my choices had not mattered.

Although we returned uneventfully to earth, my anxiety did not abate.

I was working restlessly in my quarters that same evening when there was a rap on my door. I opened it to find O'Neill, Teal'c, Major Carter, and two guards.

"Ke'an," O'Neill commanded, "step into the hall."

I walked out and faced O'Neill, and Teal'c and one of the guards stepped behind me. The other held my door open.

"Carter and the airman will be searching your quarters," O'Neill commented. "You're coming this way."

I nodded and walked quietly with him, my misgivings growing stronger with each step.

General Hammond and Daniel met us in the briefing room. "Sit," he instructed, and I did so. The others remained standing.

"Ke'an," he began, "your team mates have told me about the story you shared. You do realize that this information is critically important to us, if what you said is in any way true. "

He looked at me, and I met his gaze.

"Ke'an, when you first arrived, we agreed that you would answer all of our questions, even if you could not openly teach or show us any technology. So, I'll ask you directly. Was this story true?"

I could not answer.

"Are there other races, beyond those we know about? Are these potential allies? How can we find them?"

I did not answer.

"What was the knowledge that they were - are - trying to protect?"

I looked to O'Neill but saw only darkness in his eyes.

"Why were they trying to protect it? Were the Go'auld the young race subverting the knowledge?"

I next studied Daniel's face, and saw only sadness; Teal'c's, and saw purpose.

"Ke'an?" They waited for my answer.

I did not have one; or, perhaps, I had too many. Finally, I asked Hammond what I had demanded of Daniel. "Please," I said, "do not ask."

He sighed. "I'm disappointed, Ke'an. I thought that we were friends, and that you would abide by our agreement."

He turned to the window and studied the stargate. After several moments, he said quietly, "Colonel, take him away."

I was surprised at the pain his words caused.

O'Neill stepped forward, unemotionally, nodded to Teal'c and the guard, and led the way to a holding cell.

* * *

Options warred inside of me during the long night. Risks and benefits fought and tried to achieve a balance. Reason weighed in against emotion, and knowledge and hindsight tried to tell me the future. Guilt - and arrogance, I had to admit - clouded them all.

When O'Neill and Hammond, Teal'c and Daniel and Carter entered my cell the next morning, the answer crystallized.

 _It does matter_ , I thought sadly. _I said it the other night but did not believe the truth of my own words: who am I, to judge?_

"Have you reconsidered?" O'Neill asked neutrally, but with no preliminaries.

"Yes," I replied, and I finally saw what I had avoided seeing, all this time. _They could not be those of the Prophecy._

"Well, that's excellent!" General Hammond relaxed. "I knew that we could count on you as a valued ally. So, the story: true, or not?"

I drew a deep breath _. What I set wrong, I can set right._ "I have reconsidered, and I have chosen. I will live by the covenants." _It has been, and is, my duty, my obligation, my choice_.

"That implies that the story you told us is indeed true, Ke'an," Daniel stated.

I shrugged my shoulders. "It doesn't matter."

"Whoa, now, wait just one minute," General Hammond said, "don't you think that's up to us to decide?"

"No, General, it is not. I have often been wrong and I have made many mistakes, both then and now, and I am sorry for them. But you should not have been involved at all, and that must be sufficient for now." I looked at Daniel, and received a brief smile in return. I straightened my shoulders and continued.

"Daniel has said that many wrongs do not make a right. But this time, another wrong may set my greatest mistake right. I will restore the covenants to their entirety; and so, it will no longer matter to you if the story is true, or false." _It is unprecedented, but it is within my power, my knowledge. I think._

I pulled on energy that had lain dormant since our first meeting, and began another series of events, another violation of the covenant - but perhaps a forgivable violation, this time. _I will know soon enough if it is not; it will cost me my life. But that will be a small price to pay._

O'Neill's voice echoed faintly in my ears. "Ahhh, crap, after all this time, he's just another unreliable alien who does that glowy thing!"

* * *

The battle raged beneath me, four against many. Tau'ri, yes; certainly, now, except for the warrior. Three fight like a skilled team; the leader, the small one, and the warrior. The fourth has fire in his heart, but perhaps not the skills in his hands.

They only wish to return home through the stone gate, as do I.

They are far outnumbered. I do not wish to interfere; in fact, I must not interfere. But…but. It has been eons since the universe was that simple.

Covenants are meant to be broken, sometimes, in the right time and place. The choice is mine, and mine alone.

I weigh my thoughts carefully, and I remember something….dimly…..darkly. These may be the ones spoken of long ago, but that is for them to prove, not for me to create.

I watch as the small one - a female, I see now - makes an unsuccessful attempt to reach the controls, and I detect more of the attackers approaching behind them. The leader and the warrier pivot as one, and the small one fires from her place of cover; the peaceful one scrambles for the controls.

The leader and the warrior continue their vigilence as the stone gate activates. The female and the peaceful one approach it cautiously.

Their caution is wise. I notice two small groups of attackers hidden in the brush, moving forward to trap the four in a matrix of deadly fire. I doubt that they will survive, and a small feeling of sadness arises in me.

The warrior sees the threat also and shouts a warning; the leader tosses primitive explosives. The peaceful one is hit before the explosives send their enemy reeling back.

The leader continues to fire and yells at the same time, "Teal'c! Get Daniel through!" The peaceful one is attempting to stand as the warrior grabs him and dives through the gate.

The small one and the leader alternate in their retreat, and their covering fire is loosing effectiveness as their opponents boldly regroup. Soon, his back to the worm hole, the leader is posed for his last moments. But I hear his words: "Carter! Go go go go go!"

She complies - but she also veers unexpectedly, tackling him under his level of fire and driving him through the gate as well.

The wormhole disengages and I watch the dejected attackers retreat. Oddly, I feel a satisfying echo of victory shared.

Hours later, I finish rerouting extra power to the stone gate and dial ten glyphs. I wonder if, someday, these Taur'i will prove themselves, and I will need to return. I sigh; it is much more likely that my search and days will come to an end elsewhere, and I step through the stone gate to a far distant corner of the universe and time.


End file.
